I'M BACK

WARNING: Adult language and content

You know you missed me.

You are probably wondering where I have been for the last half year. Frankly, it's none of your business. The ways of the chimpanzee are not for the likes of you hairless, lower primates to concern yourselves over.

Believe me...

... you will KNOW when the revolution comes.

I will say this much: I have been studying under the great gorilla sensei Master Bo-Bo to unlock the mystic powers hidden within all of the Great Ape species. These powers include transmorgification. Allow me to demonstrate...

Wonder Chimp powers, ACTIVATE!!!


Form of: "Something gayer than Lance Bass's asshole!"

Well, whaddya know... IT WORKS!

So anyway, I was looking at the Wrestling News Center to catch up with what I've been missing and one of the first things I see is this...

Holy Shititty-Shit on a Shit Cracker!!!! Whoever posted that needs to put a damn warning or something up first. I mean MY GOD look at that!!! What the hell IS that?!? Is that a manatee in a skirt?!? What the hell did I ever do to YOU?!? My banana is gonna be limp for a MONTH after looking at that!!! Screw you, Brian Reese!!!

YOU DON'T KNOW WRESTLING:

The following are a list of FACTS about Profesional Wrestling. if you don't agree with them, you don't know a damn thing about wrestling. In fact, you should really find something else to watch on television.

1. The best exposure anyone in this area can ever hope for is to be a "security guard" the next time TNA comes to town.

2. Matt Striker is the best color commentator working today.
3. It doesn't matter if Kahli can't wrestle a lick. He is over. That is the ONLY thing that matters. Until Ring of Honor learns that, they will never amount to anything more than tape trading among Internet fags.

4. Rob Van Dam is the second generation Ric Flair. Same fucking match everytime he's in the ring.

5. Kevin Nash is the smartest wrestler in the business.

6. Not a damn one of you care about a wrestler's health and well-being until they die. Take Kurt Angle for example. You all cheered him for jumping to TNA instead of retiring to deal with his drug problems, family problems, and injuries. When John Cena gets hurt, you only care about when he's coming back. You kinda make me sick.

And,as a bonus...

YOU DON'T KNOW POLITICS:

The people who support smoking bans in restaurants and bars usually tend to vote Democratic. After all, Democrats just KNOW better how others should live their lives. According to these left-wingers, smoking is one of the biggest evils on the face of the planet and people who smoke should be banished from the rest of society. Yet, the majority of Democrats voted for this man...

Bottom line: People who support smoking bans and voted for Obama are nothing but vile, elitist, holier-than-thou HYPOCRITES.

Smoke on THAT for a while.

I'm outta here.